Friday, April 24, 2015

I miss you Carole!

I've been putting off writing this post for several months. Six weeks after my mom passed away we lost my mother in law. Carole started feeling bad in January 2014 but didn't know what was wrong she just knew something wasn't right with her body. She went to the doctor they dismissed her, she went back they sent her to several specialist but no one seemed to know what was wrong. Finally in May she went back to her cardiologist. She had an artificial heart valve in October 2012 and had felt pretty good until this point. The doctor wanted to do bypass surgery and scheduled it for June. The surgery went well but she had problems with her heart rate. As a matter of fact she was in the hospital the same time as my mom and felt so bad she wasn't able to be at my mom's funeral because she was in the hospital. Once they regulated her heart rate and things seemed to be back to normal they released her. She felt okay for a couple of weeks then the ER visits started up again. The Saturday before she passed away she called to see if I could take her to the ER (my sister in law was out of town and Billy was playing golf) of course I didn't mind taking her. I'm so glad we had that time together now. My husband eventually came to the ER and they admitted her to try to find out what was causing her shortness of breath. We had planned to have my Billy's birthday cake and lunch on Sunday and Carole asked if we could bring cake to the hospital and we did. We were all together for his birthday. On Tuesday they drained the fluid from her heart and released her on Wednesday morning. She actually felt relieved and felt good. She called several people Wednesday night including us, she told me thank you again for bringing cake to hospital. Thursday she got up feeling great, baked a cake and had a sudden cardiac arrest. My sister in law called me at work hysterical saying her mom fell and couldn't breath (the neighbor who was a nurse was at the house). I tried to calm her down and said I would get in touch with Billy and meet her at the hospital. Again as with my mom your brain doesn't fully comprehend what's happening. I tried calling Billy on his cell and at work without any luck. I didn't know any of his co-workers phone number so I started dialing different extensions and a wonderful person answered her phone. I told her the situation that I needed to find my husband and have him call me immediately. About 15 minutes long later he called I had not gotten to the hospital yet but told him to come immediately (husband commutes 1 1/2 hours to work each way). I stopped by Shane's work and we went to the hospital together. I knew something was wrong when the person at the front desk walked us back to the room. I think part of me knew what was happening and the other part couldn't accept this. She was fine I just talked to her, that's what I kept telling myself. When I walked in the room and saw my sister and father in law I knew. Fortunately for Carole it was instant, no pain, no suffering. Now how was I going to tell my husband over the phone. His dad and sister told me not to tell him anything over the phone just don't answer the phone. When Billy got on the interstate there was a terrible accident and the interstate was actually shut down, he was trapped and didn't know what was going on with his mother. I have never felt more helpless in my entire life. I wanted to talk to him but I wouldn't lie about the situation. He eventually turned around in the median and back tracked through back highways. I knew I couldn't wait any longer to not talk to him so I called him and told him over the phone. I still think about that time and how he must have felt all alone in traffic. It took him three hours to get to the hospital. It was terrible just terrible watching my husband go through what I just went through and knowing the pain he was going to feel.

We had the memorial service two days later. We had planted a tree when my mom passed away so we planted one for his mom. It was such a long process when you loose someone you are so close to. We know we have live because that's what our moms would want us to do sometimes it still doesn't feel real. I love you Carole and thank you for raising such an amazing and caring son.

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