I love you momma!!!

I’ve been thinking about writing this post for a couple of months; even though I don’t write in my blog very often it is still a journal of my life and feelings at that particular time. On January 24^th my mom’s cancer returned in a big way. She had her routine scans with follow up appointment scheduled just like all the other times before. My mom had been doing pretty good up until November, she had starting saying she wasn’t feeling good and was actually in the hospital in November for pneumonia. But all the scans were good, the hospital tests were good. I would also take her or meet her for the “results” appointment but because everything was going well I thought maybe I’ll listen in to the appointment via facetime but something told me to go with her. Billy also would go with me for these type of appointments. I’m so glad I was there for my mom and Billy was there for me. When the doctor came in and said the cancer was back and it was everywhere, in her lungs, pelvic bone, liver and brain. I think devastation and shock was an understatement, we were not prepared for that kind of news. Yet it eventually sinks in then we say okay what do we do now, how do we fight this. The doctor was going to put her back on the same kind of chemo she had 2.5 years ago. He had warned us at the beginning the cancer would return it was just a matter of when.

In February she started chemo, this time they put a pic line in to alleviate the need to start an IV every time. She had a successful first treatment, she didn’t get sick although she would get really tired. She would wait three weeks before she got the next treatment. From the very beginning of this treatment she had problems keeping her platelets high enough to continue with the chemo. She got delayed from the beginning, she would have to wait the following week before they would test her platelet levels if they were high enough she could get chemo. This was so frustrating because there is nothing they can give you to increase your red blood count, your body has to produce this on it’s on. She eventually finished the course of treatment although she wasn’t feeling well. We were told in April the chemo was working and the doctor was going to continue with the same treatment plan. Unfortunately, she wasn’t able to consistently get the treatments because her platelets were too low. In May the doctor decided to change the type of chemo and lower the dose to see if that would help as far as the platelet levels. I think she ended up getting only one round of the new chemo. The first of June she was given oxygen although she only used it when she really needed about two weeks later she was using oxygen all the time. I hated seeing my mother struggle so much to do anything. My mom was a doer! She was constantly doing something, helping my dad do everything or helping someone else. When I went to see them which was about every other week I tried to do everything I could to help my mom not have to do anything.

On June 25 at 3:15 my brother called me and told me to come home immediately, I have no idea how he knew but am so thankful he did. I left work went home and threw stuff in a bag and me and Shane headed to Montgomery. I told Billy I would call him when I got there to see what was going on. When we got there my mom was sleeping, my sister in law was sitting with her until I got there. I think your brain has a way of protecting you to some extent of what’s really going on. My mom had decided to call hospice in for the next day. I had gotten in the habit of sleeping with my mom (my dad slept in another room because he hated their new mattress). I’m so glad I was there for my mom when she woke up during the night. The following morning when hospice arrived the nurse said she needed to be in the hospital because she didn’t have much time. I was so confused because she was at the doctor’s office two days prior and no one said anything. We called Billy and Cole (he lives in Tampa) and told them to get here quick. Mom was taken to the hospital by ambulance and we followed. It was so unbelievable to me what was happening I felt like I was walking through a fog, disbelief that this was happening. They put mom in a regular room so we could all be with her without worry about visiting hours. I have to say I have the best husband, we slept on a hospital cot when we were able to fall asleep. My kids slept in chairs and on the hospital floor not wanting to leave my mom’s side. For whatever reason Billy went up to my mom and said her name kind of loud and she opened her eyes, I ran to her to tell her I loved her and she mouthed she loved me and did the same to the grandkids. I think about that moment so often, I’m so glad she knew she was surrounded by family and friends and so much love.

My mom lost her battle Saturday, June 28. I know she is no longer in pain and is reaping the rewards of her wonderful Christian life on earth but I still miss her like crazy. I love you momma!